Love Should be Enough

Do you ever wonder why, with some people, love just isn't enough? Especially the people who are supposed to continuously love you, no matter what. The people who are supposed to always be there for you. It just doesn't make sense...

I look at my parents, but my mom especially, and wonder why my love isn't enough. I love her with my whole heart and she still wants nothing to do with me. She's supposed to be there for all of the special moments, all of the good, and bad, moments. She's supposed to be there and she never has been; she's never going to be there. Because she chooses so many things over me. I was thinking about this the other night. I like to make people believe that, the fact that my parents have never truly been parents to me, doesn't bother me, I can just shake it off because it's not my problem--it's theirs. But this isn't true. I am 18, a legal adult, and it still hurts more than anyone (who hasn't been through it) could understand. Every holiday, every significant event in my life, every horrible or happy situation...I still want them to be there.

I have this giant hole in my heart where my parents should be that no one else can fill. I have an amazing person who I think of as my momma, and a great person who I call dad. But it's just not the same; they didn't bring me into this world. I love them to pieces, but they aren't my biological parents. (as much as I wish they were!) It's just not fair that they are too busy to care about me. My mom lives 15 minuets away from me and I only see her a few times a year, and that's generally to pick up something that came in the mil for me. It just hurts that she is never there for me. She wasn't there for prom night, to help me get ready or to do my hair and make up and take a bunch of stupid pictures. She wasn't there for my birthdays, I was lucky if she even called me. She wasn't there for any of my Art awards, and she wasn't even at my high school graduation. That hurts me more than anything...

I know that there are people who have it worse, people who have no parents. But having parents who CHOOSE to have nothing to do with you, who choose to not be in your life, seems more painful than having parents who just can't be there. I love them both, so very much. I just wish I knew why my love isn't enough; why everything and everyone is more important than me. I feel abandoned. And I'm left with an emptiness that can't be filled. it just hurts.

Love should be enough,,,